I do want to draw special attention to one post in particular, though, as it has had a profound affect on me. Michelle of the blog la vie en rose...a sweet life wrote a beautiful and brave post that starts out light enough but really delves deep into her current funk and the difficulties that parenting can bring to the forefront. Please take the time to read it and absorb it. I do believe that 98% of us have felt just the way she did in this situation at one point in our parenting journey and she has such a beautiful yet visceral way of making the reader feel as if they are right there in that moment with her. It stirred all sorts of feelings up in me and my immediate response to it (in comment form) was...
"I think the best possible thing that I could tell you right now is that I truly believe those dark, crazy, beat-the-dresser moments in parenting are JUST as important as the gentle loving ones. Although they are uncomfortable and certainly less sweet they allow you to scare the juices up in yourself. They come from the same place as "Ok, B-Dog, put on the silliest stuff you can find in the house because I'm gonna too and then we are going to the grocery store to pick out three things that we would never buy on a 'normal' day and then we are gonna sit in the park and eat it all and sing at the top of our lungs together!!!".
Life is full, full, full of the highs and lows and if you made me stick at middle and safe all the time I think I really would go crazy.
Keep the faith, my dear, because you are exactly where you are meant to be in this moment and headed straight for who you are meant to be in this life from every moment here on out."
I wasn't thinking as I was typing that to her - it was just flowing through me. After I finished the comment and posted it the feelings just kept flowing and even washing over me in gentle waves until I became aware that these words I had typed were as much for me as they were to encourage Michelle.
Parenting has not been easy for me. It has been stunning and breathtaking and rewarding on the deepest levels and truly life-affirming. It has also been gut-wrenching and tear-jerking and, yes, visceral for me. When I typed those words above about how sticking safe down the middle would make me crazy I didn't realize how much I really live that belief. Every single day. Until I finally let the light bulb 'tink' on over my head. Let it truly sink in that - this? - this IS living.
Good/bad, luminescent/dank, clear blue water/thick sticky mud - everything in between...
Please bring it all on.
I would not have it any other way.