Tuesday, December 05, 2006

Press and hold heart.

Won't you please?
Because it has been so very, very heavy lately. There are many layers to this. Most recently a friendship on the rocks, pangs of achy loneliness around the holidays and I have also been so very distressed by the Kim family saga. I cried this morning upon learning that Kati and the kids had been found. I have never even met them yet it has been hard for me to think of little else over the past week. Please pray that James is found safe and sound today.

If I am even more deeply honest about it, I believe this heavy heart has been dogging me for most of my thirty nine years. I have experienced so many highs and happinesses along this journey. Most who have met me know right away that I am all about humor, laughs, festivities yet I suspect if you were to look very closely you might glimpse that well-hidden and protected sliver of longing underneath it all.

You see I have always known that 'he' would arrive some day and would recognize me instantly. The 'he' that I do not need to fulfill me but, instead, to inflate and smooth and round out this heart. The one that could - when the moment was just right - press and hold this ache and take the the pain away.

Update: I am just so very sorry that James didn't make it. This certainly makes one's daily problems pale in significance. My heart goes out to the Kim family and their friends on this sorrowful day and all of the days to come.


(Photo taken of one of the fortune telling machines at the Musee Mecanique in San Francisco, CA, October 2006 for self portrait challenge.)

8 Comments:

Anonymous bazl said...

Your candor is touching and it is so well illustrated by this photo.

8:29 PM  
Blogger Deb R said...

I find the contrast between the cheeriness of the photo and the wistfulness of your words heart-wrenching.

8:40 PM  
Blogger Vedrana M. said...

beautiful! i just want to give you a hug now :)

5:40 AM  
Blogger Nessie Noodle said...

Les, I am sedning you a hug through the internet..
I agree with deb r.
and last night I had to change the channel when tears started to form as I watched the Kim Family reports.
I *heart* this picture ,(pun totally intended)

1:59 PM  
Anonymous acumamakiki said...

i love this photo and also, your heart felt honesty here. i've been watching anxiously about the kim's even though i don't know them and cried today when i learned jim kim hadn't made it.

hugs

2:20 PM  
Blogger holli said...

I agree with the other comments.. this photo was so whimsical - but the reality of what that family is going through is too much.

You must go back to where that picture was shot in happier times.

10:35 AM  
Blogger lovegreendog said...

beneath is the longing....yes.

3:35 PM  
Blogger LeS said...

Although I was able to reply to most of you individually, I wanted to thank you all for your kind words.

This community that we share in is such a supportive and great group of people. I am lucky to be a part of it.

5:06 PM  

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