Tuesday, February 20, 2007

self portrait challenge - perspective.

whale watching, kauai, february 2006

I arose this morning and started to search through my self portraits to find one that was most representative of how I was feeling. It has been a little rough around here. My raw edges have been showing - tears shed for the lack. I feel that I have struggled my entire life with the ache and tug of the elusive 'something more' and it has been especially acute for the last thirty six hours. I do make a concerted effort most days to be in the moment, to appreciate the half full glass instead of it's dark cousin. Truth be told, I do not succeed as often as I would like.

But then, while searching...

I stumbled across my photo file named 'HAWAII!' and realized that one year ago to the day my precious PickleBoy and I were on our way to Kauai for his first visit to the Islands. We spent an entire glorious week there. You would naturally assume that a week in Kauai would be 'glorious' but we were up against challenges from the start.

It rained the entire time, we saw no whales on our whale watching trip, our helicopter ride was fraught with danger and screeching warning bells, the Hanakapiai trail was too muddy and precarious to hike but guess what we did? We loved up every single minute.

When it rained - we put the top down on the rental Jeep and drove in the rain with flowers in our hair. When there were no whales we took pictures of ancient and glorious cliffs and the dolphins that surrounded us. When the warning bells went off in the helicopter, I took a long panicked look at my child (and the pilot) and then started laughing and shooting more photos. When the trail was too muddy, we went and stood in the warm salty ocean instead and giggled as brightly colored fish swam between our knees. We were surrounded all week by disgruntled people who spoke loudly of wasted time and money and we just looked at each other and smiled because we were so happy.

By the last day we were tired, maybe even a little bit ready to go home. It was four o'clock on a bleary rainy afternoon. The beach was deserted and the breeze was cold. PB ran up from the water and asked if I would swim with him one last time. I begged off - I was just too cold - the sky was just too grey. And then, as I watched him return to the water alone I heard the voice in my head say "get off your butt this one last time and swim with your kid silly woman!" And as we laughed and frolicked around in the waves that one last time - me facing the shore, PB smiling at me and the open ocean - his face lit up and he yelled "LOOK MAMA!!!" and I turned to see a huge majestic sea turtle not three feet away. It swam with us and shared it's magic momentarily. We screamed with joy and then - I cried. Salty happy tears that this - THIS - was life and we were truly living it.

Having perspective may be scary sometimes but it is honest and true and the way I choose to live. If you keep faith and perspective when times are rough, then joy and miracles can be found anywhere. And, if you are very lucky, the water in that half full glass will be salty.

local hawaiian ice cream from lapperts

the napali coast

PickleBoy's sunset

the kilauea lighthouse

just plain happy.


Anonymous acumamakiki said...

This post made me all teary LeS, especially the last, amazing shot of you and PB. I love this post and love how you found these photos to the day. That's a cup half full indeed. xo

12:20 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Sea turtles, ice cream, salty water... some beautiful "little things".

2:06 PM  
Blogger Loralee Choate said...

Oh your HAIR is so cute. I must try wearing it like this SOON.

6:58 PM  
Blogger Nessie Noodle said...

ahh man, you make me ache to go back to that magical place. We spent to weeks there for our honeymoon-

There is something magical about that place isn't there? and yes, half full, of love me thinks...

ps your gift should fit right in with this theme! hurray for intuition (sp?).

9:10 AM  
Anonymous Irene said...

I love these pictures so much. it's hard, I know, to live in the moment and let go of all frustrations... here's hoping you will find joy and miracles in your every day.

11:30 AM  
Anonymous bazl said...

Love the story and great photos. It's not the easiest thing to do, and not to be cliché, but when you can manage to turn life's lemons into lemonade the results can be wonderful.

12:06 PM  
Anonymous amystery said...

I agree there is something about Kauai that just seeps into your soul. I cried on the plane leaving there a couple of years ago, of course I was on my way back to the cold Alaskan winter.

Beautiful photo of the two of you on the boat.

12:21 PM  
Blogger brittany said...

beautiful. everything about this post is beautiful.


4:37 PM  
Blogger Tammy said...

I was married on Tunnels Beach and blessed with a double rainbow. I'm glad you were able to share the magic of Kauai with your sweet boy. We can't be half full everyday but you seem to be able to pull yourself up ;)

9:09 AM  
Blogger Hel said...

A magical photo and post.

"And, if you are very lucky, the water in that half full glass will be salty." - What a wonderful phrase.

7:33 AM  

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